Fear

What are you attracting in your life? What is appearing in your life? The people? The events? What?

As I look at my life, there seems to be a stagnation of new people coming into my life. It seems there have been more people from my past coming back, but the people coming in all seem to be relationships where they've been healthy, not some weird thing going on.

Sometimes things come to a head to push us to act. The Bible says faith without works is dead. Basically it means all talk and no action is just all talk. There is little to support your talk. I've invested all that I know, but yet, the reality is, is it all that I know? I'm sure there are probably things I'm leaving out.

The past 2 weeks, I've been once again trading with real money and facing my fears. What am I thinking of? What do I fear?

Really, the stock market is neutral. It doesn't seek to harm me nor does it seek to do well to me. Just like this printer sitting next to me. My relationship with it is neutral. However, most would agree there are no feelings with your printer, but with many of us who trade the markets on a regular basis, to say we have no feelings is an understatement, especially if you're doing either not well or extremely well.

The market is really like a dance, just like my blog title. It's a dance with the gorilla and you always let the market lead. It may seem sort of clumsy, but I gather this gorilla knows what it's doing and is finely tuned. What do we care if we trade well and can profit well? Let the gorilla dance and lead. It can be a very sexy dance.

Really, it's just money. There is always more. If we think there isn't, it's all in our minds. Be aware of how you feel, the thoughts that are coming up. Keep noticing as these are clues to the roots of your fear, then you can address them.

For example, for most of my adult life, I had an addiction to exercise. I would exercise rigorously for a minimum of 2 hrs a day 6-7 days/week. I would run, bike, swim, lift weights, do yoga were the main things. I even took nearly passing out as a sign of a good workout.

Growing up, my parents (I perceived) were very controlling and did not convey the message of love to me the way I needed to regarding my self-esteem. I felt powerless as a person, a victim, and totally controlled. Little did I know that as a child, I could've chosen to be powerful. I just didn't know how. To be powerful, you must be in control of yourself and allow others to be in control of themselves.

When I left home to go to college, I rebelled in behavior in all sorts of ways. My anger towards my parents mainly and unforgiveness caused a lot of stress in my life. Plus, I placed expectations on myself that I thought were from my parents, which they just wanted me to be healthy, happy and do well in life. Of course, our society places a high regard on achievements. Those things combined with finding my self-esteem in performance, this caused a lot of anxiety and stress ------> exercise addiction to work out the stresses.

With exercise, I got to control the time, what I did and a gambit of things. I felt powerful because I had control. The fact was, I displaced my anger and unforgiveness of my parents and myself for not performing up to what I thought I needed to, into exercise. Some do this with sex, others with drugs, smoking, perfectionism, and many other addictions.

Through a lot of counseling, God intervening and allowing the same thing to show up again and again until I got it, and lots of other things, I can proudly say in a humble way I no longer am addicted to exercise or anything. I'm aware of the anger I once had and the unforgiveness.

Now I'm able to enjoy exercise not because I'm frustrated, angry or unforgiving, rather because it is good for my body. I'm able to stop after an hour or so, but also not push my body to a harmful state.

It's not like we won't have anger or fears or whatever emotions, but when we do, WHY do we have those emotions? What is the root?

I do fear losing all my money, not providing for my kids and I because what that means that I will have to possibly go back to the corporate rat race and have someone else dictate my time, not allowing me to spend the time I desire with my children and influencing them like I have in a positive way. That fear is like the pink elephant in the room. The pink elephant doesn't make me money, rather distracts. It can do no harm to me, because it's just this little statue sitting in the middle of the room that I seem to be captivated by.

This coming week, I'm looking away from the pink elephant. God has equipped me to trade and to trade well. It is well within my reach and to make money consistently. I've done it before and can do it again even better because I have better knowledge.

What do you give your power to?
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