So Little

One of the thing that crosses my mind is why would someone who has made what is deemed like a lot of money in trading risk everything to do what I'm doing? What is the point of making $12.50 minus commissions or making so little a day. Afterall, I could go back to work as an engineer and make significantly more than what I'm doing right now.

For those who have followed my blog, it seems that I've been all over the place from making thousands now to making not even enough to go out to lunch at a regular place. Why would I do such a thing?

When I first started trading and gained success, it wasn't due to my skill or anything that I knew, rather just listening to other people who also didn't know what they were doing, but I didn't know that. As I've heard echoed in my mind often, "A rising tide floats all boats." ALL BOATS -- junks, yachts, speedboats, sailboats, ALL BOATS. It's non-discriminatory.

Sure, in a very bullish market, it seems that you can do no wrong: late 90s, mid 2000s.

You don't really know what you're made of until adversity hits. Though I'm not a Darwinist, as that would totally go against me as a Bible Christian, in adverse times, it ultimately is survival of the fittest.

Though right now we are "bullish" in the market for the short-term, starting from mid-July, it seems that perhaps people cannot do wrong once again. However, we are still overall in a bearish market. Every bearish & bullish market has pullbacks/retracements.

Anyway, back to making "so little". I had a lot of nasty habits to undo, mindsets to change that I thought I knew so much about the market way back when when I made all that money, when I really didn't know anything. In fact, the more I learn about the market, the more I'm awed and realize how little I actually know.

It's almost amazing to me sometimes a person makes money, but at the same time, it's not. I've had to start at ground zero on quite a few occasions, each time, coming to the table with so much more experience & knowledge, and now, it's resulting in more wisdom.

Whether you have a lot or little or something in between of money to trade with, ALWAYS start very small. It truly takes time to develop your skills. Knowledge is insufficient, because skills are done when you put into practice the knowledge. But, the other component is risk management (a part of that is always starting small). One of the components of developing your skills is through various types of practice from doing drills (not-reach time), to real time unfunded practice, to eventually doing funded (very small). Once you've become VERY good at funded (very small) trades, then you can move up to bigger and bigger trades.

This is a gradual process. Many of us have a not good relationships with money or a lot of baggage we carry to the table that will impede our trading, which you need to deal with, otherwise, it will come out in your trading. If you just occasionally dabble at it, I'm supposing it doesn't matter as much, but if you want to make a living at this, you have to have a good relationship with money, which includes a whole bunch of things.

My leaving engineering, separation & divorce from my former spouse, custody issues, and a bunch of other unpleasantries has really brought out a lot of things in my life. This could be a huge blessing in disguise. Better that I find out and deal with these things now when I relatively have less money than when I had mega millions and lose all that, right?

That fall is much more painful (I would guess).

I'm learning to do what it will really require for me to earn a lot of money, and that is specific to me -- a single parent of young children in a pretty big financial mess, who wants to realize her dreams of freedom with her time & children to really embrace life in all its abundance. It's during these times I get to learn lessons I would never unless I walked through these fires.

It is incredibly humbling. However, would you rather have a wealthy, humble person in this world or an arrogant wealthy person? For those who have followed my journey all this way, thank you. So much has changed. I'm much stronger, but there is much work left.

There have been many fears that I never knew existed showing up, which forces me to deal with them. Also some very not humbling attitudes sometimes creep up, especially when I'm doing well. However, as I continue to trade, that arrogance is being replaced with a humility & graciousness for God allowing me this opportunity to trade, to make money from the leisure of my home.

When I walk into my kids' classrooms and help the teachers out, interact with my own children and their classmates, I'm reminded of the cost to be here, and what a privilege it is to do this. I thank God, because He equips me to be able to create wealth.

Do you think you deserve wealth? If so, what is the evidence in your life of this? Do you have a healthy relationship with money? If you are a hoarder, that is not healthy. Money is neither good nor bad, rather it is a tool to be used in our lives, to flow like a living river. It's not the Dead Sea.

In July I made $208. It's adding to my account. Of course, I have a few thousand plus that I need to make back up to be at break even. However, it's adding. I'm trading more frequently, consistently, pushing past those fears/doubts, etc. Breakthroughs are coming. Breakthroughs come when we persist and do not give up inspite of the odds against us.

I would expect from the learnings of this past month and as I continue to learn, be truthful, expose things, that my trading will get better, the fears/doubts become less, a greater respect for the market, more confidence, greater consistency in profitability, a humbleness in my trading, etc.
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