Martyrdom, EMDR, EFT

I don't know that I spelled that word correctly, but I wanted to address this topic that came up last week in my EMDR therapy session and we collapsed this target. See if any of this resonates with you.

Growing up, I saw my mom exemplify the martyr attitude big time. Without going into all the gory details, I'll just generalize, as many of us can relate to this. My parents grew up in abject poverty in a different country and immigrated to America to have a better life for themselves and their future children (like me).

My parents sacrificed a lot and that's where I'll begin. Sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice. What does a martyr do? Sacrifice.

A true martyr does not act like a victim, rather is a champion that makes willingly sacrifices what they believe in.

As in the case of my parents, especially my mom, bless her, she often acted in despair, desperation when she got highly emotional. Guess how I have acted! Exactly like my mom. When you're going through that, it's a challenge to be aware that you're doing that, but now, as I step back to replay how I've been, this is where I have been a lot like my mom.

She is a hard-working mom who greatly cares for her kids, but a positive, encouraging person, she was not, at least while growing up. She has changed some, but still, the underlying premise for her is a negative thing. She did overcome a lot from the childhood she grew up from, and she did do the best she could. Don't most parents want to do what's best for their kids? My parents are no exception.

Just the resources available to me are much greater than when my parents were parents.

Anyway, how does this apply to trading?

Some questions I've asked recently:

1. Does trading have to be hard?
2. Can making money be super easy?
3. Can a person trade for a minimal amount of time and make good money?
4. Can I be super focused no matter what is happening around me?
5. Do you have to sacrifice in trading?
6. Do you have to sacrifice to make a lot of money?
7. Do you have to sacrifice your family to consistently make a lot of money?
8. Does it have to take a long time to learn how to trade profitably consistently?
9. What causes a person to trade without a trading plan?
10. What causes a person to not set their stops (profits & costs)?
11. What are you afraid of?
12. Do you have scarcity or poverty mentality?
13. Do you hoard?
14. Is giving things away hard for you?
15. What do you find hard to do?
16. Do you worry? What do you worry about?
17. What thoughts dominate you?
18. How do you generally feel?

These are important questions to know the answers to. I'm not a psychologist, have no training in psychology whatsoever, but the school of life in trading has taught me a lot. I found when you have the technicals down and you're not getting to where you want, it's most likely your belief system you're living out and it's not a very good belief system.

Awareness is key, but once you're aware, then you need to do something about things. You need to take appropriate action to get rid of unhealthy mindsets & behaviors and replace them with healthy things. If you get rid of them, and don't replace them with good stuff, then the likelihood of something not good filling it is greater. Humans have a propensity to go towards areas of least resistance.

So, take note of your feelings towards things when they happen.

If a friend gets a job promotion at your work, are you happy? If not, why? Take note.

Your friend has lost the 10 lbs she's been wanting to and you're unable to lose. Are you jealous? Take note.

You're "struggling" to pay your bills, but your friend is going to take a luxury cruise in the South Pacific, which is your dream vacation. Do you secretly wish it was you and why should that person get to go when you're struggling? Take note.

You're husband who left you is able to live in one of the nicest areas of the valley, but isn't being responsible to pay his debts which you both are legally responsible for. Do you resent him? Take note.

These are just a few examples I've had to deal with or just made up, but you replace the scenario with your own thing. Take note of what your emotions are, because I can guarantee you that they will come up in your trading in one form or another.

The JEALOUSY emotion could cause you to overtrade, so as to compete with other traders. What's the competition? No one is out to get you. There is plenty of money to go around.

The RESENTMENT emotion could cause you to also overtrade, but in anger. Anger clouds your trading decision. You feel the need to pay the market back for it attempting to do something to do. The market doesn't give a hoot about you, much less know who you are.

The STRUGGLING emotion can cause you to also overtrade, but this is not like scalping but will cause you to take too many costs and not wait out trades. This also coulds your judgment. You'll stay in costing trades & not get out or get out of profitable trades and not wait long enough.

The UNHAPPY emotion can cause you to also not see clearly entries & exits. It sort of grays things and if you're a daytrader, or scalper, it's imperative to see clearly entries & exits.

You can sort of get the jist how our emotions can really wreak havoc on trading. It's best that you become aware of these emotions and where they came from. Often many of these things come from our childhood or traumas that we've faced.

Okay, so now you've identified and are aware of these emotions, how do you effectively deal with these? These are things that get engrained into your physical cellular makeup -- in your body. How do you get rid of these things? I use 2 different energy psychology methods:

1. EMDR (eye movement desensitization reprocessing)
2. EFT (emotional freedom technique)

For EMDR, I go to a professional therapist that specializes in this. For EFT, originally back in 2001 when I first learned of this, I went to a therapist for about 8-10 sessions, but have only done this on my own since then.

You can do a search for articles on the internet for both. EMDR is often used with people regarding traumas. Divorce is a trauma.

The people I like for EFT that have good articles are:

1. Carol Look
2. Brad Yates
3. Gary Craig's Emofree site

Both Carol Look and Brad Yates deal in a lot of abundance/prosperity issues, but they aren't totally all into "weird" stuff for me that freak me out. Plus, the way they present their materials, it's very straight forward and not confusing, gets to the point. Brad Yates has videos on YouTube. Check them out.

I remember in 2001 when I first learned EFT, I was at a desperate point in my life. Honestly, I didn't believe it would work, but it did. The cool thing was I didn't have to believe that it would work, just physically do what the therapist told me, which was tap on these parts of my body with my fingertips (face, torso, and hands mainly), talk about aspects of a problem I was having and watch things change.

That's exactly what happened.

Through the years, I was able to overcome many addictions, obsessions, compulsions, fears. I don't know really which ones were addressed by EFT and which ones were by EMDR specifically. It's worth a shot. If you have questions, shoot me an email or make a comment.
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