This is another soapbox post. This is just pointing out some of the things I've experienced in my own life and I'm guessing many people can relate. Hopefully we can learn and do something about it and jump on this journey to becoming Champions, rather than living a life as a victim.

As I hear myself speak in my head or to others, I catch myself saying, "But . . ." a lot, making excuses. Yesterday my EMDR therapist whom I meet with weekly to address my mental/emotional issues and get rid of self-sabotaging stuff, she asked why I wasn't back to funded trading more regularly and consistently, really.

I told her I didn't know. Certainly I am very skillful, knowledgable and have good risk. Something is holding me back and it's not that my life is very busy, a jam-packed schedule or anything. Everyone is busy. I asked her if she knew what my issue was that was holding me back. She continued to ask me questions and turning things around for me. Great, eh?

There were 3 things that came up that really suck out in my mind, in particular the last thing:

1. I do not trust my judgment.
2. I am not successful.

Actually, the last point was not on the paper she gave me to look at that had a long list of positive and negative statements. The word REBELLION came up like a neon sign in my head and seemed to be much stronger in point than the #1 and #2 statements. Why? I'm not sure.

So, this morning I began looking up in the Bible the references to the word and there were 44 counts of it. I do not really like the number 44 or lots of 4's. The word "4" means death in Chinese. 44 seems like double death to me and though I'm not into numberology, but I do believe numbers can mean something from a biblical standpoint. I'm also not superstitious and when I turn 44, I believe God will bless each year of my life no matter what the number.

Rebellion in some translations is likened to witchcraft, which if you're a Bible believing Christian, this is not a good association. Anyway, I'm not going to go into any of these too much more, but I do need to take some spiritual action here, as I believe God is revealing something to me here.

My therapist asked me to commit to something small between now and our next session, which is next Wednesday and allowed me to choose. I told her I would commit to actively trading for 1 hour a day each trading day, which is 6 days a week, and one of those days I will use real money.

The market for me is now from 7:30 am - 2 pm. No excuses. I would like to trade with real money on Monday and Wednesday of next week. There is no set amount of money for me to make at this point, though, my goals are $300+/day.
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