Underlying

The past few days has been a great learning experience for me, albeit, painful, but not the worst things.

Yesterday was my son's 5th birthday. Unfortunately, his dad failed to remember his only son's birthday and this greatly disturbed my son. For 2 days, he acted out at school and had a bit of an attitude at home. I wasn't quite sure why. He started a food fight. Mean to kids at school. Spit in a girl's hair. This is totally out of character to for him, as he's normally a very sweet kid with awesome social skills.

As I saw that his dad was wrapped up in his own world of mayhem and what not, thinking of himself only, and not abiding by the divorce decree, I invited a friend of ours, who has been a regular part of my children's lives for nearly the past year, to my son's birthday dinner, which consisted of my son, daughter, myself, and our friend, SK.

My son chose the same restaurant my daughter chose for her birthday, 6 weeks ago. Mind you, this is a more upscale, trendy, European bistro. This is not your typical McDonald's playland. And, normally kids to do eat at this bistro, as it's mainly for adults. But, I'd been taking my kids there since they were babies, and it's like a family place for us.

SK is getting his master's in social work, and a part of our church. He greatly loves the children and is a good, consistent male role model for the children. Anyway, SK's quick insights prior to the kids attending their own counseling sessions, helped me to talk with my son about his feelings. It was a good teaching opportunity for me to talk about making good choices, forgiveness, grace, and love. I so wanted to bash my ex, but that would've harmed my son, because my ex is his dad.

I love my son. The underlying cause of his negative behaviors was his way of handling his anger towards his dad. As I aknowledged my son's feelings and helped him to work through it, not discounting anything, but valuing and respecting him as a person, it helped him to release his anger and to extend forgiveness to his dad.

Similarly today as I battled my 8 yrs old daughter with defiance, lack of focus, emotionalism, it turned out she was very hurt and disappointed at yet another commitment that my ex is breaking with the kids. I had a similar talk with her that was structured more towards her as well as her age. It was much more challenging to speak to her, as she does not as easily let go as my son.

The point of sharing all this is several fold.

- All this mayhem DOES impact my energy. It creates a lot of negativity in my household, as well as chaos.

- When we see things happening in our trading repeatedly, we need to ask ourselves what are the underlying root causes for these habits & behaviors. Sometimes they can be easily figured out, and other times, they are very complicated.

- When our minds are clouded with all sorts of clutter, it's a challenge to even be able to identify the easiest of things in our trading. My daughter, a very intelligent little girl, couldn't even figure out that 28 was not between 10 and 20. Do you ever ask yourself after the fact why you did something in trading that was so easy that you should never have made that mistake? What was clouding your judgment?

Begin keeping a journal or a blog of your thoughts and analyze them. You may need to hire a professional therapist to help you. There is no shame in it. I'm doing that and I can see my own thought processes changing, getting stronger in very challenging circumstances.

Do not be a victim, rather be a victor and take control of your life.
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