Psychology

I'm by far not the psychological guru or can even say one bit that I truly know anything here, but I can share with you my experience. I'll leave that psycho therapy stuff to the Van Thorpes, Douglases, Elders, etc.

2007 as I looked at it from 2006, looked to be a great year of promise and hope for a new life not only for me, but for my husband and I, and our 2 children. I had worked really hard to build up my trading, get the education, do the practice, get the knowledge, discipline, consistency, develop good risk management, and the list goes on. Working full time at my mechanical engineering job, traveling for trading, doing all those practice and funded trading, building my accounts (again), managing my family & marriage, health, fitness and the volunteer work I did, was a huge undertaking.

Though I was not quite ready to give up my day job, as I got paid really well with great benefits, I felt God leading me to leave engineering. In all reality, this seemed pretty nuts. I wanted to build up my trading accounts to 9 digit figure before leaving and I was nowhere near that. But, God made it unequivocably clear that He wanted me to leave engineering. So, I gave 3 months notice and then I was out of there, starting 2007 as a full-time trader.

With my husband's blessing, though I felt a bit nervous, he said he was supportive of my decision to leave engineering. Little did I know he did not tell me the everything he needed to. But, it was God I was being obedient to. For those of you who do not believe in God or anything, this whole thing will sound wreckless and stupid. Okay, so be it.

Thought I would be able to hit the ground running after leaving my job, but there is a psychological aspect of totally switching careers that I was not equipped to handle immediately. Having had some costly lessons trading when super stressed out or physically ill, I decided to take a couple months off. During this time, I enjoyed my family, though, things seemed odd in my marriage. I worked to begin working on organizing some of the paperwork that my husband did not do over the past 4 yrs that he stayed at home. This took nearly a month to get about 2/3rds done.

Before I could continue on, things started to unravel in my marriage. This was about the time I started to get back into trading with small funded trades. Well, needless to say, which I will not spell out in this blog, what I thought about my marriage & husband, were totally incorrect. Someone forgot to clue me in on things. As a result, the next 4-5 months were sheer hell. The lives of my children and I have been turned upside down in a horrible way.

My heart had longed to be with my children since each were born, but because I was the major breadwinner and we lived on my income, that wasn't possible. Thus, that's why I worked so hard to make this trading thing work. To put in 100+ hrs a week at 2 full time jobs was not easy. I slept very little and was so disciplined. I have loved my husband and poured my heart into him, allowing him to spend the last 4 yrs building our video production business.

My disappointment and grief were great. I was devestated. My children have also been having a very emotional time with all this and it's a rollercoaster. I've not been used to having my children around so much, and now they are around all the time, demanding constant attention. Because of the instability of my marriage and our family, this has also placed extra demands on me.

Not only do I have to deal with my stuff, but also with my children's and the aftermath of the wake my husband leaves behind. He's left me with a financial mess, which I'm working to sort through. I've reorganized the house, getting rid of things that would clutter it up, not allowing me to have room and space to think.

Administrative work is not something that is a talent of mine, but I'm learning to do this. These are challenging times for me, the most I've ever had in my life. My children depend on me and I will not let them down. The hopes and dreams that they have, I will role-model for them what a strong, godly woman I am.

My trading accounts now are not big as they once were. It is imperative that I have great risk management discipline, but not be afraid to trade. There are many fears I've had to overcome over the years. I started addressing them in May'01 through to today. From Aug'05 to Mar'07, I used an energy psychologist on a weekly basis to help me get rid of psychological issues dealing with money, career, relationships, etc. Great progress was made.

Though things between my husband and I are not good, they are at least civil. The burden of our children, home, businesses, finances, taxes, everything rests on me. He is doing what he wants without much regard for our children or myself. I never dreamed I would be this burdened in my trading or be in a position such as the one I am in.

However, inspite of all this, I do have great discipline in my trading. If I am very emotional, I will not trade. I do so many practice trades, that most of the time, I cannot tell which trades are real or funded, until I check my accounts. At that point, I pull out my Bracket Trading sheets and look to see what decisions I made on them and enter my orders. All orders are contingent.

The best decisions I make in trading are as if no pressure exists. Though my life situation is very emotional, as far as trading is concerned, though I need to be making money, when I'm trading, I do not think about the money I need to be making, rather I focus on good trading. Good trading will lead to profitability. Focusing on the money will cause you to literally lose it. When I have a cost, I do not become emotional about it.

Well, I need to spend the next couple hrs doing some money management and spend time with my kids. Not sure if I will have trades ready yet for tomorrow in my blog. We'll see about my time.
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